Phineas and Ferb are Horny
by MLP4eVa
Summary: Phineas and Ferb learn about sex and things get out of control. WARNING: MATURE CONTENT! READER DISCRETION ADVISED!


It was an ordinary day. Phineas and Ferb were waking up to another exciting day of summer. But something was different. They noticed something strange about their dicks. "Ferb, my dick is hard for some reason. I don't know why." said the sexually curious red-head. "I feel... sticky." said the taciturn boy. The duo went downstairs to tell their dad the situation. "Hey Dad, for some reason, my private area is hard and Ferb feels sticky. What is going on?" asked Phineas. Lawrence pondered on whether they were ready for the sex talk or not. "Phineas, it seems as if you have an erection, or a boner which basically means your weenie gets hard. And Ferb, you've had what is known as a wet dream." said Lawrence trying to keep it as G-rated as possible, but he eventually gave up. "My growing boys, it's about time I told you about the birds and the bees, a.k.a. sex." Lawrence explained to his boys about sex, masturbation, and whatnot. "That was awesome, Dad! Thank you!" exclaimed the enthusiastic Phineas, having just learned something new. The two went back upstairs to their room to do some more research about it on the Internet. As they were researching, they came across an interesting website. It was a porn site! "Oh my god!" exclaimed the astonished Phineas. "I got another one of those boners. I'm starting to get the urge to..." Phineas started masturbating. He fapped and fapped and fapped until an interesting substance came out. "Wow! I just orgasmed, Ferb!" said the post-orgasmic Phineas. "Give it a try, Ferb." Ferb tried masturbating to the pornographic image and enjoyed it. "That. Was. Awesome!" said Ferb. "We should do this more often. Ferb! I know what we're going to do today! Hey! Where's perry?"

Perry the Platypus did his usual daily routine by entering his lair via a secret entrance (Lawrence's fleshlight XD). He landed neatly on his chair in his secret hideout. "Good Morning, Agent P!" Greeted the old geezer, as he was about to assign Perry with his next mission. "Dr Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again. You see, he has a very small dick. He went to Adam & Eve's to buy a lot of male enhancements and vibrators. It is up to you to stop him." Perry put on his jetpack and flew straight to Doof's lair. Carl was fapping throughout Major Monogram's lecture. "Carl! Quit fapping to porn! You'll get ED!" Nagged Major Monogram. "That's bullshit! Just let me finish. Maddie Rooney is about to get buttfucked by Joey." stated the horny nerd, obviously watching a Liv and Maddie porno. Major Monogram emitted an exasperated sigh.

 _Doofenshmirtz has a micropenis!_

"Shut the fuck up! Why the hell do you have to point that shit out! Jesus!" said the irritated Doof. Perry makes a stunning entrance into his lair as usual. "*gasp* Perry the Platypus! Breaking into my lair as usual, I see. I always have a trap for you!" This time it was inside a giant condom! Doof was about to tell another one of his miserable backstories. "My whole life, everyone made fun of my micropenis. No matter how horny I got, I never had a boner in my life! I've always had to use a prostate massager to masturbate. I can even fuck bitches with my sad excuse for a cock! That's one of the reasons why my wife divorced me! It was like pulling teeth just to have sex with her. I'm surprised I managed to impregnate her. That's why I made this life changing inator!" After Doof's rather disturbing backstory, he pulls the cover from his latest inator, which is a giant phallic machine. "Behold! My Penis Enlargerinator!" Perry nearly fainted by the sight of the giant dildo-like contraption. "When press this button, the giant penis will shoot a laser at my tiny dick and turn it into a monstrosity of a cock!" Doofenshmirtz did not hesitate to press that button! As soon as he pressed it, his micropenis turned into a macropenis! You know, a penis bigger than the biggest penis in the universe!

As for the two Flynn bros, they were vigorously jacking off to Disney Channel porn. They even gave each other handjobs! Candace was talking to her friend Stacy as usual. She suddenly heard some loud moaning sounds coming from Phineas and Ferb's room. "What the hell are those strange noises coming from my brothers' rooms?" Pondered the red-headed girl. "They're probably just watching cartoons or something." said Stacy, hoping Candace doesn't go crazy and try to bust her brothers over stupid shit. Despite Stacy's statement, Candace headed towards Phineas and Ferb's room and barges into their fapping session. "What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On?" asked the traumatized Candace. "ARE YOU FAPPING TO LIV AND MADDIE PORN?! Oh, you guys are SO busted!" "Oh shit!" said the nervous Phineas, fully aware that they was busted. The bitch once again went crazy and did her creepy busting laugh, almost as if she went super saiyan. She ran around in circles while doing her strange laugh until her mom got home. "Mom, mom! Come quick! Phineas and Ferb are masturbating to porn on their laptop!" said the over excited bitch. "Very funny, Candace! They're not interested in that sort of thing yet." said the exasperated Linda, thinking it's going to be another one of her strange fantasies. Phineas and Ferb were in a hurry to get dressed and clean up the semen.

As for Doofenshmirtz and his "macropenis", He pretty much satisfied his penis envy. Or did he? Perry managed to break free from the giant condom (A giant condom? Really?) and started to kick his giant cock. Doof instantly orgasmed. The force from his gushing ejaculation threw him back onto the shrink ray. "Oh shit!" said the nervous scientist. The shrink ray shot Doof's giant cock, turning it back to it's original size. Perry destroyed the phallic machine. "*sigh* There goes my monster cock... Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Perry made made quite an exit as usual!

Back to the Flynn's side of the story, Candace was dragging her mom upstairs, just to find a fully clothed Phineas and Ferb. "Hi mom!" says the relieved Phineas. "I see no porn on their laptop. Just Liv and Maddie." "Dammit! Almost had 'em." whispered the disappointed Candace, crawling back to her room in self-pity. Perry showed up. "Oh! There you are, Perry!"

That night, Phineas and Ferb continued to masturbate each other pretty until they fell asleep. The next morning, they were still horny. "I dunno about you Ferb, but I'm getting bored of masturbating. I'm still really horny, though." The two pondered and pondered ways to satisfy their sexual fantasies. "I wonder what real sex is like." said Ferb. "I know! We can have sex with hookers. Ferb! I know what we're going to do today! Hey! Where's Perry?"

Perry once again went into his lair via another secret entrance (a used condom XD). "Good morning, Agent P! Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again! Because of his small weenie, he can't get hard so he plans to get rid of all the porn in the Tri-State Area." After Major Monogram mentioned porn, he pause for a second then said: "Hold that thought! No more porn. That means no more ED. Agent P! I'm giving you the day o-" Carl abruptly pushed Major Monogram out of the way and yelled: "Agent P! Please save our pornography! I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT IT! Now would you excuse me, I'm going to flip on some Disney porn and fap myself bloody." Perry put on his jetpack and flew straight to Doof's lab, disappointed about no getting today off. Carl was vigorously masturbating to various rule 34 Disney pornos such as K.C Undercover and Austin and Ally, much to Major Monogram's dismay. "Carl! Are you trying to get ED?! 'Cause that's what's gonna happen if you watch too much damn porn. You're only hurting your self!" "Would you shut the fuck up?! Ally is sucking Austin's dick." The annoyed old man just couldn't wait for Doofenshmirtz to eradicate porn forever.

 _Doofenshmirtz is trying to watch porn!_

"Goddammit! Why the hell can't I ever get hard?" Perry crashes through his window. The bastard! "*gasp* Perry the Platypus! Why the hell did you crash through my expensive window? Asshole! You'll have to have to get trapped for pulling that shit!" This time it was a glass dildo! XD "Remember my plan to make my dick huge? That all went to hell when you destroyed my goddamn machine. *sigh* I'm never going to have sex... THAT'S WHY I INVENTED THIS INATOR!" Doof removed the cover and revealed a... metal sex doll with red eyes?! WTF?! "BEHOLD! MY PORN-B-GONEINATOR! When I press this button, the sex doll will shoot a red laser that replaces porn with... MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC BULLSHIT!" Doof pressed the button on his machine and the sex doll shot a laser from it's red eyes at the XXX magazine, turning it into a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic magazine. "Did I forget to mention I hate bronies? THOSE BASTARD BRONIES! THEY MAKE FUN OF MY SMALL DICK! THEY'RE GOING TO PAY! NO MORE PORN FOR THEM! NO MORE PORN FOR ANYONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! UNNNN!" Yelled the utterly pissed off mad scientist.

Phineas and Ferb were buying a lot of condoms, lube, hookers, sex toys, and robotic body parts (wtf). "Arn't you a little young to be having sex?" asked the mail man. "Yes. Yes we are." answered Phineas, who has already done a lot of underage shit over the summer. Isabella stopped by as usual. "Hey Phineas! What'ya dooin'?" asked Isabella. "We're gonna build a giant sex doll and have sex! Wanna join in?" asked the horny boy. "Um, I'm not sure if I'm ready for this kind of stuff..." "C'mon! I'll be fun!" Baljeet and Buford stopped by as usual. "WOAH! A GIANT SEX DOLL?! ARE YOU GUYS HAVING SEX?!" asked the astonished smartass. "NOW I'M HORNY! OOOOOH! HOOKERS! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!" looks like Buford is excited. "Wait! Don't forget the wear a... condom..." Buford must be really horny! "Ah! Nothin' like a good orgy!" said the sexually gratified Buford. "This is going to be the best day ever! But don't forget to wear condoms." The gang did really naughty illegal things that they shouldn't be doing. Then again, they do illegal shit like this every day.

Candance was just causally masturbating with a banana in her room. She suddenly heard loud moaning sounds coming from the backyard. "What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On? Ooh they're SO busted! AT LEAST I'M MASTURBATING!" The carrot top tattletale rushed out of her room to tell her mom. "Mom mom! Come quick!" She walked right in on her parents having sex! That naughty little bitch! Lucky for her, they were under the blanket. "What on earth are you doing, Candace? Can't you see were in the middle of business?" said the annoyed Linda, thinking it's probably another one of her stupid "lies" again. "Phineas and Ferb are having sex with prostitutes." "What did I tell you? They're not interested in that stuff yet." "Actually," interrupted Lawrence. "I gave them the sex talk." "You WHAT?!" Linda was not happy.

Doofenshmirtz was about to get rid of every pornographic object in the Tri-State Area. "GOODBYE PORNOGRAPHY!" Before Doof was about to hit the button, Perry broke free from the glass dildo and kicked him in the balls. "OOOOH! You'll pay for that shit!" said the weakened scientist, who's head landed on the button which the eyes were pointed directly at the Flynn's backyard. Perry hit the self-destruct button on the machine's... breasts? "Shit! Why the hell do I always put those damn self-destruct buttons? Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" The frustrated scientist yelled as the egotistic platypus escaped.

Before Linda could see the sexual activity, the laser that came from the machine landed on their backyard, turning everything into MLP :D. "What the hell?" asked Candace and her mom in unison as the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic theme song was playing. "You guys are bronies?" asked Candace. "Yes. Yes we are." Everyone, including the prostitutes they hired, were dressed in MLP costumes. There were pony plushes everywhere! "This is just strange..." Thought Candace and her mom. "See! They arn't having sex. They're just having fun with ponies. I can't believe you would accuse your brothers of stuff like that! That's it! You're grounded for the rest of the summer. Go to your room!" said Linda, sick of Candace's "lies". Candace went back up into her room, pissed off. Once again, Candace failed to bust her brothers, or did she? "Wait! They don't know how to clear their Internet history. I still have a chance!" said Candace, doing her creepy laugh again. "Mom, mom! Look at this!" "Candace! I though I grounded you!" "Take a look at their Internet history! See? They've been looking at porn!" Linda looked through the boys' Internet history and saw a bunch of obscene pictures and websites. She was shocked. "Oh my god! They really have been looking at porn. But are you sure they were having sex?" Just before Candace was about to explain the situation, Buford yells: "WOOHOOO! I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY!" Linda was so pissed. "Phineas! Ferb! Get in the house now!" "Oh shit!" said the nervous Ferb. The two went into the house, still in their pony costumes. "I can't believe you had sex with prostitutes! You guys are SO grounded for the rest of the summer! Go to your rooms now!" Phineas was not about to give up his summer. "NO! THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I'M GIVING UP THE BEST SUMMER EVER! IF YOU'RE GONNA PULL THIS SHIT, THEN I'M GONNA BREAK OUT THE EMERGENCY WEAPON! Ferb, would you do the honors?" Ferb pulled out a grenade and threw it on the ground. "Oh. My. God!" said the whole family in unison, fully aware that they were going to die. The bomb exploded, killing everyone except Phineas and Ferb. They managed to escape through a hidden button they installed in their shoes. The two boys laughed maniacally as they jumped through the air.

AND THAT'S HOW THE PHINEAS AND FERB SERIES ENDED! ;)


End file.
